Yesterday Mitt Romney clinched the number of delegates needed to win the Republican nomination. Mitt clinched! But it’s kind of hard to picture Mitt clinching anything... unless he’s giving it an involuntary haircut.
On his big day, Mitt decided to share the spotlight with Donald Trump. Well, when you share anything with Trump, Trump usually ends up with most of it. Here’s a little advice, Mitt—never share the stage with someone more charismatic than you are. Oh wait, that would be everybody. Trump spent the day giving interviews in which he spewed birther crap. Every time Donald Trump raised questions about the President’s birth certificate, it just raised more questions about Mitt Romney’s judgment. Who Mitt Romney stands with says a lot about what he stands for. That’s true enough in this case—Romney stands for nothing, and Donald Trump is a big nothing.
Yesterday, Romney also met with billionaire super-donor Sheldon Adelson. That, more than anything, is the real reason Mitt was in Las Vegas. It sure wasn’t for the buffets. Mitt had a different kind of free buffet in mind. On the maps in Romney headquarters, Las Vegas is probably just called “Adelson.”
The Romney campaign misspelled the word “America” as “Amercia” on its iPhone app! Before you guys take advantage of all this new technology, you should familiarize yourselves with some older technology... like spellcheck. Mitt Romney can’t spell America? How did he ever function as Governor of Massachusetts? It’s even harder to spell!
Rush Limbaugh says he is a bigger jobs creator than Obama and Romney put together. If Rush Limbaugh created any jobs, it was for sweatshop workers in Indonesia making polo shirts in size XXXXXL. Rush says he created jobs, and still kept his job. He said “I did not cannibalize myself.” Rush, you’re in Florida... you should know to avoid the term “cannibal” right now.
There’s new news on the face-eater. The drug he was on wasn’t a new form of LSD, as was reported. It may have been mephedrone, which is often called “bath salts.” Great. Yesterday I was afraid to ever take LSD. Now I’m afraid to ever take a bath.
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Flashback: President Obama crushes Donald Trump at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner...